Volume 67: The Double Standard Paradox

Posted on 05/08/2012



What’s up good people? Before I begin, I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you that have been hitting me up (primarily offline) and complimenting me on my writing. I hear your messages loud and clear. In the words of Charlie Wilson, “The time has come for us (me) to stop messin’ around.” I truly love writing and plan to turn love, the feeling into love, the action. So, expect to see a myriad of offerings from me over the next few months. With that being said, I thank you all for your support. Let’s get started, shall we?

If you haven’t guessed already, I’ve become the designated “relationship specialist” for all of my friends, co-workers, family members – hell, even random strangers, LOL! Anyway, I was offering another batch of free advice to some co-workers the other day as we were discussing some of the unwritten dating “rules” for men. They had a hard time understanding the concept(s) I was trying to explain to them. Well, understand is not completely accurate. It was more like they understood, but didn’t agree. It was at that moment that this post hit me. How many times have we identified the idiotic and inconsistent idiosyncracies of the opposite sex and ignored our intuition regarding their ineptitude? (Note: I love alliteration.) In laymen’s terms, those “inconsistent idiosyncracies” are called double standards. Double standards are those “rules”  or actions that, when applied, tend to benefit the user of said standard. Why is that? Why do double standards exist when the stated goal of a relationship is usually for both parties to be happy? More specifically, why do we accept double standards as S.O.P. (Standard Operating Procedure) for our gender; but suggest the opposite sex having them as an attack on humanity? I mean, aren’t double standards just our way of saying we “want to have our cake and eat it too?” Double standards are counterproductive and a bit counterintuitive; and yet, they exist in full force as we hold on to them like a two-year-old holds on to their favorite woobie, LOL! Again, why is that? It’s the creation, existence, and use (or overuse) of double standards in the face of all evidence suggesting they can be destructive to successful relationships is what I call The Double Standard Paradox.

Double Defined

Dictionary.com defines double standard as “any code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another, especially an unwritten code of sexual behavior permitting men more freedom than women.” WOW! Now, I don’t necessarily agree with the one-way nature (male to female) of double standards that this definition suggests; at the same time, I wholeheartedly agree with it being an “unwritten code permitting more freedom”. As previously stated, we want our cake for ourselves and not to share. Admittedly, I’ve been known to have much more loose expectations regarding my behavior in relationships (up to, and including fidelity), while at the same time demanding, requiring, expecting much more rigid guidelines for those with whom I was involved. The obligatory redundant statement is, “That’s not fair,” to which I usually respond sarcastically. Yeah, I can be sarcastic. Anyway, the part of this definition to which I take offense is the inference that men are the only group that possess double standards. Pardon my French, but that is a load of bunk! Women have just as many (or more) double standards as men. They are just light years better at convincing us Y-chromosome carrying neanderthals that they don’t, LOL! We may be the stronger sex, but we are definitely not the smarter sex.

Double Destruction

The problem with using double standards is that it introduces unhealthy elements into a relationships. Suspicion, disrespect, deception, and infidelity are just a few examples. Double standards shift the balance of power from a 50/50 split of working towards mutual benefit and harmony, to parent and child-like where obedience and control are more valued. Is that the type of relationship that survives? Is that the type of relationship you want? Maybe –  and I’m just theorizing here – that part of the increase in the number of divorces could be attributed to one or both parties subscribing to a double standard? But, what do I know? I’m just a blogger, LOL!


As I’ve gotten older (my birthday is this week), I know I’ve forgotten more about past relationships than I can remember. That’s not a knock on the people who I’ve been with. It’s more a statement on what I thought was important then, really wasn’t. The important lesson was that the relationships were at their best when I wasn’t applying a double standard and treated them equitably. What’s sad is today, the W.I.I.F.M (What’s In It For Me) model of relationships has taken over. If you’re not satisfied, break up, and find someone who satisfies you. The problem with that is we aren’t taking personal responsibility for our relationship failures. We diagnose the ex- as being inherently flawed. Then again, they weren’t flawed during those six-to-eight months you were together, were they? Double standards place a barrier between ourselves and our hearts. They keep us from being real. In fact, I would suggest we stop calling them double standards and start calling them what they are: Double Trouble.

That’s just my three cents…


“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”