Volume Forty-One: Can I Go Off?

Posted on 07/29/2010


Is Sill-E gonna hafta choke a bish?

I’ve written some tranquil posts lately. I guess it’s because I’ve been in tranquil moods as a result of putting in so much time on my book. But, as we all know, moods vary; and there are times when they swing in the opposite direction. As a “professional”, I have learned to temper my emotions – to pause and think before I reveal what’s on my mind. However, as a man, I still have those WTF moments sometimes when I step back and look at some of the isht that goes on in the dating world. So, I’m going to lay down my professional hat temporarily and fire off some things that really bug me about dating and relationships. I’m not going to go any further than just unloading some questions that arise from time to time. FYI, this is NOT a PC moment, so I’m asking for forgiveness up front. Charge this one to my head and not my heart. We all have these types of moments, and I’m taking mine now. I’m asking you as my reader, “Can I Go Off?”

WTF! (In no particular order)

1) When are men gonna stop trying to be players or pimps or – whatever it’s called now? Can we let those monikers go like polyester leisure suits?

2) Can women stop saying they want a real man when nothing about them is real – literally and figuratively? I want to wake up next to the same person I laid down next to. I can’t love you, if you don’t.

3) I don’t care if you want to date outside your race. Find someone to love, it’s no big deal. However, when you display a preference for someone who doesn’t look like you, how can that be healthy? To love someone requires that you love yourself first. If you don’t like being black, or white, or hispanic, or asian; how does that prepare you to love, or be loved?

4) Please stop telling that tired-@$$ lie of “I’m taking some time to focus on me” when people ask why you are single. That response is true about 10% of the time. The other 90% is for some other reason that you don’t want to reveal. That’s fine. If “you’re “focusing on you”, then do it. You should come out to be a better person and not end up dating the same type of people you were before you went on your “self-quest”.

5) Single people: Marriage is not perfect! Please please stop looking for perfection! And, can you find perfection when you are not perfect?  Doesn’t make sense to me. You should be looking for the potential to be great and not some idealized perfection.

6) Men, be honest and tell her that you’re not looking to be married any time soon. Dangling the carrot of commitment in front of the woman you’re dating or pursuing is cruel and unusual punishment.

7) Women, some of y’all need to stop lying about wanting to be committed. Not every woman wants to be, or is ready to be, in a committed relationship. Honestly, commitment is when the work of a relationship truly begins.

8) Fellas, if you’re 30-something and she’s 30-something, chances are she’s had sex before and likes it. If she sleeps with you early in your relationship, it doesn’t make her a whore. It makes her whore-ny; just like you. Be an adult and stop looking for reasons to stay single (see #6).

9) Set your relationship expectations up front, so they won’t stick out behind. Far too often I see couples break up because of unachievable, unrealistic, or broken expectations. Take the time to talk about your expectations BEFORE you get in too deep.

10) Relationships ARE work, but they are fun too. If you’ve stopped having fun with one another, take the time to figure out why. It’s more mature to work through some issues than just moving “on to the next one.”


Whew! I’m done venting. I kept it as PC as possible, but I just had to go off one good time. Do I believe in keeping it tranquil and thinking rationally through this relationship maze? Absolutely! However, sometimes you have to go off just to let mother-fathers know that you can and will check them from time to time. This was my time. Get over it! LOL!

That’s just my three cents…


“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”