Volume Thirty-Seven: G.O.D.

Posted on 06/29/2010


I had decided on my blog this past weekend. In fact, I had already started it when I had my SilleMoments Blackberry Letter segment on the 3 Degrees of Separation Talk Show. Then, I went to the gym this morning for my usual Tuesday yoga and workout. I’m a lover of music and I have many different playlists on my iPhone that I listen to while I work out. It’s the most body-stimulating, mind-clearing part of my day so I take full advantage of these moments. Today, I was listening to my “Real Hip-Hop” mix (don’t ask) and came across a song that always had meaning for me; but, more today than when I first heard it. The song was G.O.D. (Gaining One’s Definition) by Common feat. Cee-Lo.  So, I’m doing my lat pull-downs and really focusing on the lyrics. Then, I had an epiphany. I thought: How we define ourselves individually has a huge impact on how we define the type of relationship we want and have. If we are not secure in who we are, then adding that uncertainty into a relationship is a recipe for disaster. Yes, a good relationship is characterized by sacrifice and compromise; at the same time, a good partner has G.O.D. (Gained One’s Definition).

A Rich Man

Please tell me one female that wouldn’t want “a rich man” as her mate? I’ll wait…..LOL! However, the subjective word in that phrase is rich. In our collective cultural materialism, we automatically assume that rich meant monetarily wealthy. If you didn’t, congratulations, you can stop reading. If you did, isn’t utilizing the word rich only to refer to monetary wealth a bit restrictive?  Common put it this way, “A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness, and his health.” Ladies, are these the primary qualities you use when describing your perfect mate? I’m sure they are part of what you want, but I can say with a good bit of confidence that those are not the first things that come up when you describe your perfect companion, is it? Or, you use them prophylactically: They are the cover for the more specific qualities underneath. Ladies, I’m sure that if you set your sights on finding a “rich man” like the one Common is describing, you’d be closer to the type of relationship you claim to want.


I’ve lived and I’ve learned; I have taken and I’ve earned; I have laughed, I’ve cried; I have failed and I have tried; Sunshine, pourin‘ rain; I found joy through all my pain; I just wanna be happy with being me.


It’s always comical to see how men adapt their game to fit the times. Yes, we (and I mean we) adapt to whatever the situation presents to us in order to achieve our goal. And yet, the adaptation is fleeting. It can be a quick fix for an immediate challenge. However, as Cee-Lo puts it, “So many brothers have given themselves a title that their actions did not earn…Subconsciously, seeking to find an impressionable mind to convince.” Where is the “realness” in your self-definition? Are you defined by your resume and exterior? Have you not been challenged by the women you pursue to go deeper? Is the breadth of who and what you are more important than the depth? Where is the truth in your actions – or is it just a re-action? The truth is, the best definition is one that is both robust and comprehensive. Watering yourself down to fit random scenarios only leaves the women you date thirsty for something real.


I consider myself to be an inspirational writer. That means, I write about what inspires me. Now that I’m on the other side of the dating game, my hindsight has become 20/20. I see the positives and negatives of being single in 2010. I think what disturbs me the most is the amount of selfishness that takes place in so many relationships. By gaining one’s definition,  we eschew the randomness of adaptation and watered-down definitions. We also learn that a rich man is more likely to see the treasure in his mate – despite the labels she’s rocking (or not rocking). In a sense, gaining one’s definition is akin to knowing your truth. And, as we have always learned, “the truth shall set you free.”

That’s just my three cents…


“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”