Volume Thirty-Four: Men, Control Yourself or Someone Else Will

Posted on 06/09/2010


For those of you that don’t know, I co-host a radio show called the 3 Degrees of Separation Talk Show (Saturday mornings 10am-12pm). This past week we held a show about Men’s Rights as it pertains to his “right” to choose. We had an attorney, Quinton Washington of Bell & Washington, LLP, as a guest to give us the third degree regarding this sensitive topic. What did we learn? What was the final outcome of this discussion? What I learned is that a man has only two choices in the sex scenario. If he is unprepared or unwilling to take care of a child, then he (you) needs to Control Himself or Someone Else Will.

Janet Didn’t Mean This

I consider myself to be sensitive to gender differences and issues. I mean, I have a mother, two sisters, a daughter, and a wife that works in Diversity and Inclusion. Additionally, I have been trained as a professional counselor so my sensitivity level is higher than most men (of course you know that if anyone has to list their credentials before they get to their point, they’re probably not gonna say something that is real sensitive); at the same time, it was disturbing to hear how little control men have when it comes to the decision to keep a child. The decision is ultimately hers. Now, I know that is primarily due to the fact that she has to carry the child, go through labor and delivery, and does not have the ability to deny the child; yet, the male in me is amazed at how little control we have over that situation.

The Facts

Here’s the short version of the facts as I understand them:

1) Once conception has happened, the woman has the final (and 0nly) say regarding whether to have the child or not.

2) After the child has been born, the male has no parental rights until the child has been legitimized. Legitimization can happen in two ways: a) The father signs the birth certificate as the father, and/or b) He obtains a blood test that certifies him as the father.

3) The woman can legally and lawfully assert that any man she chooses be assessed with child support, simply by telling the courts that he is the father. He has the burden of proof to show that he is not the father. The only proof is a Maury-style blood test.

After reading the above, you can draw the correct conclusion that, as a man, your rights do not begin until after the child has been born – and that only happens after the child has been legitimized by the state. So, where does your control begin and end? In short, in the bedroom. Don’t fall for the okey doke when it comes to relations. Wear a condom (even if she says she’s on the pill) or don’t have sex at all. Those are the only two ways you can increase your level of control. Now, we all know that condoms are not 100% effective, but you have a better shot with one than without one.  


Have I gone completely mad? I mean, at one point in my life, I was the champion of casual sex. However, casual sex does not mean unprotected sex. There is a difference. Men, we cannot continue to look at sex like it’s not an activity that could result in the creation of another person. In fact, that’s what it’s designed to do. Now, I’m not jumping up and down on the soapbox of abstinence. That would be hypocritical. At the same time, I’m on the soapbox of absolution. We must absolve to protect ourselves and our right to remain in possession of our sperm. Is that crude? Probably. Is that honest? Absolutely! If we continue to carelessly give away the only control we have, we can no longer complain about what happens after we transfer possession of our property. Part of being a man is being responsible and in control of our actions. If we wrecklessly exhibit lack of self-control, someone else would be more than happy to do it for us. That person is the family court of your respective state.

That’s just my three cents…


“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”