Volume Thirty-Two: Brothers with the Bait-n-Switch

Posted on 05/25/2010


I’m back again. You know it. Let’s skip the formalities and get right to it, (lip smack) OKAY?

Last week, I broke down the women with The Double Standard Wears a Skirt. I put the Sweet D–k Willie on them and “dropped them like a bad habit.” To recap, I pointed out the hypocrisy and “double standard” they practice by sacrificing so hard for their education and careers, then scrutinizing every man they meet with their unending list of “deal breakers”. Chile please! Your behavior is telling what or who is most important in your life: Why! Ohh! U! You can’t make a we, if you’re still holding on to a me. Okay, okay, I took yall to task last week. I’m not trying to do it again. This week, it’s time for the men out there to take the truth medicine I’m serving up. And, as a reminder, I’m not Mary Poppins so there won’t be a spoonful of sugar to go along with it. So suck it up, take a long look in the mirror, and ask yourself the question: Are you a Brother with the Bait-n-Switch?


Full Disclosure: I definitely was a bait-n-switch (B-n-S) guy back in the day. In fact, I was similar to Curtis Mayfield’s lyrics in Pusherman. Remember that song? I’m yo mama, I’m yo daddy, I’m that n—a in the alley. I’m your doctor when in need – want some coke? Have some weed. You know me, I’m your friend. Your main boy, thick and thin. I’m your pusherman. God I love the old school – but I’m digressing. Anyway, the B-n-S guy is just like the pusherman. He’ll be whatever you want or whatever you need to get what he wants from you. Now, a real pusherman just wants your money and a faithful customer. The B-n-S pusherman wants your devotion. He wants you to give your mind, body and soul to him. And what do you get in return? Bullisht, heartache, frustration, and a man that is dating away all your pretty.

Yes, the B-n-S man is nature’s only human chameleon. If you want sensitive, he got that. If you want fun, he got that. If you want intellectual, he got that too. The bag of tricks is endless to get you to sign his name on your……..heart! Yeah, that’s it. Your heart, LOL! The B-n-S guy knows that you don’t like giving away your “heart” to multiple people at a time. So, if he has it and continues to dangle that carrot of commitment out in front of you; your “heart” will stay with him. The B-n-S guy is most adept at collecting “hearts”. He is also adept at building them up, to break them down.


The B-n-S pusherman says what you want to hear in the beginning – while he’s collecting your “heart”. Then, the language changes. Slowly, gradually at first, but you’ve probably heard it before. Some of my favorites are, “I don’t believe in titles“; or, “Wait a minute, I thought we were having fun? Don’t get serious on me“; or, the classic, “It is what it is.” Each of those statements are so vacuous in nature because they allow women to interpret them in any way they see fit. And, because you’re wanting to be in a relationship with him, you usually fill in the blanks of what he did not say and keep giving him your “heart”. Congratulations! You are now a B-n-S fiend. This is why (to a certain extent) the line, “I can do bad by myself” is appropriate. What’s more accurate however,  is “I can do bad by myself if I have to deal with one mo’ B-n-S mother father” (shout out to the Swagger Wagon).


Fellas! The numbers are stacked in our favor. I know. I see the numbers. And, if women were a fruit stand, I have sampled my share. But, isn’t there something to be said for truly enjoying one piece? I mean, I get a sense of satisfaction when I finish an apple or an orange. Okay, I’m trippin with this fruit analogy.  More specifically, the richness and fulfillment of life can only be experienced by being who you really are in a relationship. Knowing your truth allows you to share it with your partner so you can grow together. Rejection is a terrible thing. I know. I’ve been there. But there is nothing like finding a special person to share you and your life with. And, just think, if she was able to sacrifice so much for her education and career, what do you think she’d do for you if you opened up and gave her the chance? How ’bout them apples?

That’s just my three cents….


“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”