Volume Thirty-One: The Double Standard Wears a Skirt

Posted on 05/18/2010


Hellllllooooo, good people! I’m glad to be back and posting on a regular basis. I seem to have gotten into a rhythm again with my fluctuating schedule. Anyway, I’m back in the saddle and ready to continue to drop some more relationship knowledge.

If you don’t know by now, I am a regular co-host on the 3 Degrees of Separation Talk Show (Saturday mornings 10am-12pm EST). On that show, we talk about a variety of topics, from politics to parties and everything in-between. This past week, we touched on my favorite subject: Relationships. We were discussing if there was something wrong with single men over 35 that had never been married, and had no children. Somehow, the conversation morphed into similar discussions that have been played out on ABC Nightline Face Off. Needless to say, it was a spirited and rivoting discussion (Here’s the link if you want to listen: May 15th Show). During the show, we had a male caller that discussed the other side of the “successfull Black women can’t find a man” coin. Quite simply, he suggested that the women that can’t find a man aren’t worth finding; and, to a certain extent, I agree. In fact, I’ll go one step further. Women are always accusing men of living by “double standards” and that we “can’t have it both ways.” I say, it’s the women that are living by a double standard. I say, The Double Standard Wears a Skirt!

Ladies, Really? Are You Serious?

I’ve watched the video from these shows and discussions. I’ve heard about Hill Harper’s 95/5 rule and even started drinking the Kool-Aid regarding men not stepping up their game to match women. Then, I took some personal inventory. I did one of my unscientific surveys of married women and single women. The major difference I saw between the two was one thing: Sacrifice. The single women seemed unable to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their relationships. It was a “my way, or the highway” attitude they had regarding being in a relationship. My favorite lines are “I don’t need a man (or relationship) to define me”, or “I can do bad by myself”. Really? Then why are you complaining? If you are already so perfect, why are you watching these programs and buying these books, etc.? Those lines are the epitome of selfishness. They reflect a person that is unable or unwilling to compromise and sacrifice for the sake of their relationship. It appears like you’d rather be the boss than be a partner. In my best Dr. Phil voice, “How’s that working out for ya?”

The Double Standard

Here’s the problem as I see it. Women work so hard to better themselves in academics and their careers (which is great, by the way), then complain when they reach a level that most men can’t match. You’re a judge, a VP, a doctor, an attorney – how many brothers did you see in those graduate programs? Annnnnnd, we see what you have when we meet you. We see the purse (BaLouie – Big @$$ Louie V), the car (usu. foreign and luxury), the shoes (Choos or equivalent), the bling (the big @$$ rock you bought yourself), the vacation pictures from all over the world, and the crib.  Then,if you do agree to go out with us, why in THE hell do you act like you forgot your BaLouie when the bill comes? Because he’s supposed to pay? Because he has to “woo” you, or show that he’s a “gentleman”? I got two words for you: Double. Standard.

Why are you acting like you’re a prize recruit for a football team, and not someone that is looking to be partners in a relationship? I bet you sacrificed to continue your education. I bet you sacrificed to put a down payment on your home. I bet you sacrificed and saved to go on that European or Asian vacation. But, you are unwilling to sacrifice for something you say you desire most? WTF? With all of your infinite intelligence, please tell why that does not compute? Here’s a secret: We see the double standard and that’s part of the reason why we choose women with a less impressive resume – even the few of us that can meet you where you are.


I like women. Check that. I love women. I was raised by a strong woman and have two sisters that instilled a love for women in me early. I have a wife and a daughter and love them both. At the same time, I am so curious as to the myriad of complaints that are coming from your ranks. If you don’t need us, then stop saying that you do and use us for occaisional sexual gratification. If you do, stop being hypocritical and stop employing your double standard. A good man will meet you where you are. A good man will be the man you want him to be. A good man will do his best to be your partner in every way. There are good men out there. A lot of them don’t have the resume that you do, but will treat you like you say you want to be treated. My question is: Are you a good woman?

That’s just my three cents….


“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”