Volume Twenty-Eight: The Jerry Springer Effect

Posted on 04/28/2010

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Gooooood People! I know it’s been a while since you’ve had your Sill-E Thoughts fix. I’m sure some of you have been curled up in a corner sweatin’ and shakin’ like Smokey in Debo’s chicken coop, LOL! Anyway, I’m pleased to announce two events have occured since my last post. The first event has been me getting a new job. That is the main reason why I have been M.I.A. on the blogosphere. For that, I apologize. The second event is the subject matter on which this blog was written. Both events are significant in that the first is gonna lace your boy’s pockets with a little more change; while the second provided me with material for another thought-provoking post to which you have grown accustomed. A piece that I have titled: The Jerry Springer Effect.

Background

As a self-proclaimed “relationship guru”, I talk to a lot of people – both men and women – to get their opinion(s). After I digest what they say (or don’t say) I try to formulate their opinions into a workable and understandable theory. This “theory” is based on many conversations regarding infidelity in a relationship.

The Jerry Springer Effect

I call the phenomenon of girlfriends and spouses looking for an external entity to blame for their relationship problems the Jerry Springer Effect. We’ve all watched the train wreck that is Jerry Springer. A great percentage of his guests come on the show to reveal some form of infidelity. You know, when the man sits alone on stage and describes all the problems in their relationship, then describes his infidelity as being the result of the problems? His girlfriend, upon finding out, immediately attacks him – and especially the “other woman” as the reason for his infidelity. She yells and screams and curses and threatens and cries and behaves like she didn’t know there was something wrong in their relationship before the infidelity began. Really?

The Truth

Ladies, I’m gonna give yall the truth about infidelity.  First, let’s rule out the 10% of men who are gonna cheat regardless of how good the relationship is. And, let’s rule out the 10% of paraniod and crazy men out there. So, that leaves roughly 80% of rational men that experience relationships “normally”. For those people, here is the truth:

1) Keeping in mind the parameters above, his infidelity has NOTHING to do with how he feels about the other woman! I’ll say that again. His infidelity has NOTHING to do with how he feels about the other woman!

2) The other woman is a SYMPTOM of a problem in your relationship with him. He cannot express how he’s been feeling, or what he’s missing in your relationship; and the other woman satisfies that need.

3) Your man NEVER intends to be unfaithful. Infidelity is the end resulf of a series of events that your man has either lost control of or is not preventing.

4) Unfaithful men are really hurt men that are unable to say that they are hurt. He is hurt by you and the “other woman” is his unconscious retaliation. 

5) Continuing to focus on his infidelity and not the root cause of it is the quickest way to push him away from you even further. I know it’s difficult to stop wanting to make him pay for his trangressions, but you have to decide if you want revenge or the relationship?

Conclusion

Please don’t take the above rules as excuses for men and their unfaithfulness. That is not what I am saying or doing with this post. What I am hoping that you get out of this is that you need to take an honest and personal assessment of why the infidelity took place? Then you need to, again, decide what is more important: Your hurt or the relationship? Understand that your relationship took the two of you to get into it, and it will take the two of you to repair it.

That’s just my three cents…

Sill-E

“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”

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