Volume Twenty-Seven: Are Men Hunt-ers or Hunt-ed?

Posted on 03/31/2010

4



As a man, I was always under the impression that I was in control of dating scenarios. I thought that it was up to me to decide when, where, and how male-female engagements took place. As a result, I made sure that I acquired all of the usual “trappings” as it pertained to attracting the opposite sex. I made sure I was polite, romantic, stylish, humorous, athletic, courteous, chivalrous, intellectual, mysterious, accommodating and aloof (whew!). I laid traps and; yes, I “ran game”. Over the years, I had gotten pretty good at landing most of my desired prey. I was better-than-average at playing the hand that nature dealt.  As a hunter, I was rarely hungry. In spades terminology, I turned my possibles into books. 

The Ultimate Hunter

I was watching reality TV the other day. No, not the junk reality TV that most people watch. The reality TV I was watching was Animal Planet. It was showing how a skilled hunter captured a leopard for tagging. This hunter was very good. What made him especially good is that he made the leopard believe that he found the kill on his own. I’ll say that again. He was so skilled that he actually made the leopard ( aka, the hunt-er) believe that he was still a hunt-er – even though he was really the hunt-ed. I’m gonna let that sink in a little….

Ready? Let’s continue. Juxtapose the above story against a commercial I saw for something called a Booty Pop. This undergarment is designed to artificially enhance the rear area of women. Ummmmm, okay? Sooooo what we see there is not real too? I mean, we already deal with weaves, miracle bras, water bras, makeup, contacts, nails, etc. Now to know that the booty isn’t real too is more than I can stand. I was about to throw up both my hands and say eff it until I had a thought: What if, all along, men were not the hunters, but were really the hunted?

Armageddon

In the previous section, I detailed a hunter that was so good he got a leopard to believe that it was still a hunter while it was being hunted. Why couldn’t women be doing the same thing? Annnnnd, if that’s the case, that list of beauty enhancements are just the tools of the trade. I’m being hunted so well that I’m made to believe that I’m still the hunter.  Follow my logic:

1) Despite my best efforts, at my peak I was still only sporting about a 75% kill ratio. Throwing out the best and worst performers, all men are probably right around the 50% kill ratio.

2) Women hold most, if not all, of the decision-making power when it comes to a dating/sexual relationship. How can we call ourselves hunters when we need our “prey” to approve our method?

3) Of all the “skills” I developed over the years, very few of them were dedicated strictly to physical attraction. I was made to believe that women did all the fussing over their appearance. All along, women were perfecting the bait-and-switch to lead us into their carefully laid trap.

Conclusion

Is your head spinning? Mine is. Is my logic convoluted? Possibly. But, harken back to my Animal Planet hunter. He made his prey believe it was still a hunter.  By doing that, the leopard kept putting himself in position(s) to be trapped by his desire to hunt. Right now, the men reading this are listening to their ego tell them that I’m off base. Their ego is lying to them by making them believe that they have a kill ratio much higher than 50%. Right now, the women reading this are probably laughing to themselves. Why are they laughing? Because they know they have all the power, but make us believe that we do. We keep working hard not realizing that we’re being led to a trap. We believe we are the hunt-ers. We want to believe we are the hunters. Women have run a Jedi mind trick on men. They are the puppet masters and we are tangled in our strings. It’s like that line from The Usual Suspects, “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”

That’s just my three cents…

Sill-E

“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”

Advertisements