Volume 26: Fellas, put your money away!

Posted on 03/23/2010

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I had a revelation. No, it was more than a revelation. It was an epiphany. For those that are vocabulary challenged, an epiphany is a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. Yes, it definitely was an epiphany. What made my experience an epiphany was that it was something that I had known – or knew – all along, but just didn’t experience it properly. And, I must say, that my inherent maleness blocked my third eye from seeing what I have known for some time now. That’s the dichotomous nature of an epiphany. You’re elated by the simplicity of your discovery while, at the same time, upset at the fact that it took you so long to figure it out. I know I’m belaboring the point without actually revealing my discovery; however, it took me so long to figure it out that it just doesn’t seem right to give it away so quickly. Patience, as they say, is a virtue. However, I will end my triumphant tirade and share my revelation – um – epiphany. Here we go. Women, in a general sense, don’t need material things from their mate as much as they need two things. Those two things are: Acknowledgement and Compliments.

Acknowledgement and Compliments? WTF!

I know. I know. It sounds so simple – elementary even. What do I mean by acknowledgement and compliments? I mean, if given the choice between receiving a gift from their man, friend, significant other, et cetera; or being acknowledged and complimented by their man, friend, significant other, et cetera, nine out of ten times they will choose option B. Wait! Did I just say that women don’t want gifts? Yes AND no. Women love gifts – don’t get me wrong; however, they love only one thing more than gifts, and that is their man acknowledging that she is important to him to the people that matter to him most.

Think about it. He can buy you all the nicest things in the world, take you to all the finest restaurants, or fly you around the globe. But, all that stuff doesn’t mean anything if his boys and his family don’t know why he’s doing all these things for you, does it? Those things he can buy or do with another woman. Permanence is achieved by him acknowledging you to the people that are not going anywhere. The permanent people. The more you get acknowledged, the more permanent you become. He is sending the message that you are becoming, or are just as important as these people. That acknowledgement has more social and relationship currency than most gifts.

I’m not crazy!

Before I get bombarded with messages telling me otherwise, please don’t think I’m telling the men to not buy gifts or dinners or trips. That would be blog-icide, LOL! What I am saying is that material things have their place; however, if you don’t send the message(s) of true caring and commitment, the gifts will eventually lose their value. Otherwise, the gifts and expenditures are a clever way of laundering money indirectly for sex. Who wants to be treated, or feel as if they are being treated that way? Only men have the capacity to be completely used physically without feeling “some kind of way” about it. Our egos are so shallow that if you tell us we are “the best” (whether we are or aren’t), then we’ll be cool about not being seen or acknowledged. As a male, it’s so sad to admit to that. It’s sad, but true.

Let me interject one small exception to the acknowledgement and compliments theory. That exception is when the money he has to spend on you becomes outrageous. I’m talking athlete or entertainer-type change. At that point, the gifts and trips become so extravagant, most women tend to forget that they need to be acknowledged. That’s understandable. I get that. At the same time, exceptions do not negate my theory. If you’re very honest with yourself, you know that when he suggested you go home with him to meet his family you were much happier than when he bought you that purse you were eyeing. Right or wrong?

Conclusion

Those that know me know that I’ve had my share of “friends” over my dating career. I’m neither proud, nor ashamed by that fact (maybe a little proud, but that’s just splitting hairs). At the same time, I can count on less than one hand the number of “friends” that I allowed to meet my family. Some never even met all my boys. They only saw the ones I was with when I met her, and that was it. Acknowledging them would put me on that road to commitment; and that’s a road I was definitely not trying to travel with just any random “friend”. My boys are one step. The family is another. Relationships have to progress to that point. A man usually knows how far a woman will progress very early into the first encounter. We’re not the best at explicitly revealing that information;  but I guess that’s why it’s called game. The irony of game is, the less we play, the better people we are; however, that’s a subject for a later blog.

That’s just my three cents…

Sill-E

“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”

Next Week: Are women better hunters than men?

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