Volume Twenty-Four: “Excuse Me, Sista…”

Posted on 03/09/2010


There’s no simple or soft or “P.C.” way to jump this off, so I’m just gonna do it. I’ll start by relaying a story that happened to me a few years ago.

What The Brothas Like…

Several years ago, we went to Tallahassee, FL to visit some friends. It was a rather innocuous visit. Old college friends getting together to relive old times –  and make some new memories. It was a Wednesday night (don’t ask my why or how I was there in the middle of the week). Back in the day on Wednesday, we used to go to this bar in the heart of FSU, called Bullwinkles, because it was ladies night. There was (for the purposes of this discussion) a white girl there celebrating her 21st birthday with her friends. For some reason, she set her sights on me as her next dance partner; and began pulling on me to go out to the dance floor with her. I resisted. YES I DID!  I resisted her advances to the point that she got angry with me and said one of the saddest and funniest and truest statements I’ve ever heard in my thirty-ahem-plus years of living. She simply looked me dead in my eye and said, “You know the brothas like the white girls!” She broke me down with that one statement.

Trend or Taboo?

Again, as a thirty-ahem-something Black man, I grew up during what I’d like to call a “transitional time” in American culture. My generation had the fortune of not directly having to deal with open discrimination or segregation like our parents did. We heard the stories from them, but only experienced it rarely and in passing. I was “lucky”. I was smart and personable and charismatic and attractive (I could go on, LOL!) and was “accepted” by my white peers. I didn’t feel accepted, however, because it was still not cool to openly date a white woman at that time. 

Ironically, while I did find white girls attractive, and still do; I LOVE Black women – but that’s not my point. My point is that each year we get further and further away from the hurt and pain caused and remembered about our checkered past. Each year, the taboo of dating white women diminishes exponentially. As a matter of fact, some brothers are to the point now where they openly display and express a preference for white women. We have Black rappers writing entire songs dedicated to the fellatio firepower of white women. And, more and more interracial couples are popping up all over the country. Generation Y or Z is working hard to erase the once permanent social barriers that divided romantic relations between the races. Taboo is being slowly reduced to the board game that bears its name.

Why The Controversy?

If social barriers being reduced is a good thing, then why is interracial dating controversial? Good question. I’ll try to answer using my experiences as the guide. I have dated white women in my past. Yes, get over it. Most of them fell into a category of white women that were curious about Black men. I served as the person that scratched their itch of curiosity, and they did the same for me. I believed all the stereotypes about them and was looking for proof. Follow me here….Because I was looking for a certain type of girl – white or otherwise – don’t you think that that’s the type of girl I’m gonna find? I skewed my sample greatly and, for-the-most-part, found exactly what I already believe to be true.  Again, this is NOT true of all the white women I dated, but a significant portion of them.

The controversy is that while I knew why I was or wasn’t dating white women, I don’t believe that most brothas do know. They just know that what was once taboo, now isnt’: that they can indulge in something that was once illegal just to look upon. The Black man’s fragile sense of self is a HUGE factor in determining what he wants in a mate. The behavior is all the evidence you need. If you only go to places frequented by white women; or indulge in activities white women do, then you’re probably gonna meet a white woman who you fancy and fancies you. Don’t tell me after the fact that “it just happened”. It happened because you made it so.


Black men for so long have been marginalized by this society and our own women that we have unconsciously decided that white women are a prize to be sought. We see it all the time in Black culture. It seems that the minute a Black man has achieved some success in his career, the person they choose to share their life with is (drum roll)……..A White Woman. Whhhhhhyyyyyyy? It’s to the point now that I get surprised when I don’t see a successful brother married to a white woman. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t discredit love. As previously stated, there were one or two white women that I probably could have loved in my life. At the same time, you mean to tell me that all these brothers out there could not have found a Black woman to share their life with? That they all have “extenuating circumstances” that made them “not see color”? Or, could it be that once they achieved career success, they went and got the trophy symbolic of their success?

That’s just my three cents…


“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”

Next Week: Who are you improving yourself for: Him/Her or you?