Volume Twenty-One: An Open Letter to My Ex

Posted on 02/16/2010


Dear So-and-So,

I’m sorry. Yes, I’m sorry. I know that those are words you haven’t heard from me very much – or at all. But, after I thought about it, I realize that I did you wrong and I owe you an apology. Now, you could be thinking that I don’t owe you an apology; that our relationship ended on its own because “we weren’t meant to be”. And, I could be selfish and continue to let you believe that; however, that is not the truth. The truth is you were good – we were good – just not good enough. I knew this after our first year together. Why I stayed for another two-and-a-half-years is more difficult to explain. I guess it was because I didn’t want to be alone and I knew you would be there for me. You took care of me, and I liked that. I didn’t want to let that go – that is, until I met her. I’m sure your head is flooding with questions right now? To make things easier, I have compiled a list of my actions/behaviors that were not completely honest.

1) Living together – I chose not to live with you because I needed to maintain my appearance of being single to the other women I was dating behind your back. I know I told you that I wanted to wait until we got married, but that wasn’t completely true. I did, I do want to wait until then; but I will move in with the woman I want to marry and, unfortunately, that wasn’t you.

2) Hanging with the boys – Sometimes I was, and sometimes I wasn’t. Sometimes, I was out on a date looking for that missing piece from our relationship. Like I said, you/we were good, just not great. I wanted great. You are great. I just don’t think that you are great for me.

3) Saying “I love you” – When I said it, I meant it; however, if you think about it, how many times did I really say it spontaneously? I did love you, and still do love you. I’m just not in love with you. I’m in love with my fiance. She is the great I was looking for while I was good with you.

Yes, I’m engaged now. I know it seems that six months is kind of fast but, when you know you know, you know? I met her halfway during our relationship when I went on a trip for work. I just convinced her to move here a few months ago. Yes, that’s about the same time we started having “problems”. Really, those problems were my way to cut off communication for a few days so I could spend uninterrupted time with her. I appreciate your friends because they filled in the blanks for me. They told you you were “tripping” when you would suspect something. They told you to stay when you were ready to go. They provided the emotional support you weren’t getting from me. They were your (and my) best friends during our relationship. Well, maybe mine more than yours, but that’s just splitting hairs.

Well, that’s it. Again, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for dropping this bomb on you, but felt like you needed the truth so it doesn’t happen to you again. I want you to find the man you deserve and one that deserves all that you give. I wasn’t that guy for a long time. You don’t need to be better or different to get a man. You don’t need to change. There’s nothing you’re doing wrong. You are a beautiful and special woman. I took advantage of that. I took advantage of your trusting. I took advantage of your desire to be married. I took advantage of your fear of being alone. I took advantage of your desire to have a family. What I regret the most is that I feel that I have made it more difficult for you to find that man you are looking for. I should have been more honest with you about my feelings.

Again, I’m sorry…

Your Ex

Welcome to the new format of the Sill-E Thoughts blog. We’re changing it to a blog about relationships. Those relationships could be romantic, personal (the one with yourself), or business. We are going to be soliciting contributions, stories, and comments from our readers to make this blog more interactive. I will also be answering any questions that you may have regarding a relationship you’re in or that you know of. We are going to make Sill-E Thoughts the premier relationship blog in the country!

That’s just my three cents…


“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”