Volume Fifteen: Flirtation and the Fallacy of Recognition

Posted on 12/16/2009


Hellllloooo good people! Yes, it’s been a while since I last posted. I’m gonna give you a moment to get over it…….We cool? Great. So, here we are on the precipice of a new year, a new decade, and I felt compelled to go back into the crates and dig up an old lesson of mine. If I told you when I wrote this piece originally, you would either call me a liar, or a waste of talent. Let’s just say, I wrote this BEFORE the proliferation of blogs to get your musings out there. I started writing a book on relationships (called Never Stop Learning – dunno if I still like that) directed at men for them to get their heads out of their @$$ and learn how to properly approach and date a woman. So, what I have decided to do is to release edited excerpts of my writings for your consumption. Eventually, I may compile it with some of my recent posts and publish the book; but, that is a work for a later period. Until then, sit back, relax, open your mind, enjoy – and remember, Never Stop Learning!


My purpose for writing this book can be summed up in one word: exhaustion. I am totally exhausted of watching and hearing unbelievable tales of how my brothers are making fools of themselves. And, while I made excuses for their actions – calling it persistence, or game, or  (God forbid) love – they continued to make fools of themselves. So, as I have continued to hear and see more extraordinary cases of persistence, game, and/or love, I came to the startling realization that the cause of the many failures and/or ridicule of many men is due, in a large part, to a lack of knowledge about the subtleties of the opposite sex.

This ignorance about women has come from a variety of factors – the most contributing factor being a lack of simple common sense. Note: From this point forward, I will refer to common sense as good sense, because if it were common, I would not have felt compelled to write this book. Good sense is the sense that controls our day-to-day activities. It keeps us out of trouble. And, it teaches us how to evaluate life situations. Therefore, it should be that same good sense that helps us in the affairs of the heart or groin.

Flirtation and the Fallacy of Recognition

In writing a book about dating, one would not think I would have to begin with flirtation or how to recognize flirtation; but, believe me, I do. Far too often, the demise of a potential relationship starts with the misinterpretation of flirtation. This “fallacy of recognition”, as I call it, happens because of two reasons:

1) The receiver/male misreads the subtle, passive flirtation as an invitation/opportunity to advance (Part One), or

2) The receiver/male doesn’t receive the flirtation being sent by the female, and a potential relationship is never realized (Part Two).

The main problem many men have with flirtation is realizing that not all flirtation is an invitation to advance. Understanding women tells us that, a number of times, they may flirt with you only to make themselves feel better. They will dress up, go out, and flirt with men all night having the sole purpose of making themselves feel more desirable to the opposite sex – namely you. They will do this without intentions of giving their number out, meeting anyone, or remorse for the person or persons they affect. For them, subtle/passive flirtation is a game played with their friends, or something to pass the time. Why they do this is still a mystery to men so we must focus on how to quickly identify and react to this type of flirtation. Look at it like this: Just as the dimensions of a basketball goal will not change, neither will women. So, just as you would adjust your shot if you keep missing, you must adjust your recognition.

Flirtation, at its simplest level, is basic communication. A message is sent, and a message is received. The problem comes in when the wrong message is received.  Part one of the fallacy of recognition – misinterpretation of flirtation as an opportunity to advance – has thousands of possible scenarios to be scrutinized. Time and space will not allow us to explore each possibility, however. So, in order to correct this part of the fallacy, here are a few helpful hints to keep in mind while you’re out “playing the field.”

1) Never over-estimate your power of attraction.

2) Always ask yourself why someone is flirting with you.

3) Analyze each situation separately and carefully.

4) Develop methods that will help you determine the genuineness of flirtation.

5) Be very careful. Remember, it’s better to be slow at receiving than wrong.

There you have it. Part two will be following shortly, but take the time to digest part one. Understand that every relationship has a beginning. My unfinished book and this post is designed to assist in the starting of healthy relationships. Ladies, if a man was better at flirting, wouldn’t that make you feel better about starting a relationship with him? Fellas, if you were better at recognizing how women flirt, wouldn’t that make your life easier? I mean, unless you like getting shot down and ridiculed? Ladies, I will write a follow-up for you. I have some words for you regarding some of the aforementioned statements. Don’t think you’re off the hook. However, until then…

That’s just my three cents….


“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”

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