Volume Eleven (Part 1 of 3): Why Am I Still Single? – Male Version

Posted on 09/23/2009


From the title you can tell that this blog will be thought provoking and insightful; while at the same time, outrage and expose those that the blog is designed to help, and those it is designed to call out. I’ve had the “why am I still single” conversation with women more than I care to count; however, that conversation is a bit different with the boys. The male’s relationship language is more encoded and subtle to maintain the appearance of being nonchalant about their relationship status. From the outside, being single looks like it’s a fun and exciting time, with an adventure every night. Those of us in relationships have all wondered what the world would be like if we were suddenly single again. The lure of having to only consider and answer to yourself can be intoxicating. But, I’m digressing…

Anyway, this is the first in a three-part series of blogs with the same title, “Why Am I Still Single?” This first installment is written from the male perspective for men to help both males and females gain some understanding regarding the answer to an, admittedly, redundant question. All of the points that I’m about to make may not fit your situation exactly; however, I’m sure they are confounding factors to an already confusing situation. Ladies, take notes. Look for these signs as to whether your “friend” is ready for committment with you. Fellas, try and get beyond the stereotypical male bravado, and see if you find yourself in any of the following scenarios. I’m going to be as real as I can be. And, to those of you that don’t know me, that can be pretty real. Here we go…

1) You’re holding on to the notion of being, or pretending to be, a fake-ass player.WTF! Fellas! Get over yourself already! Yes, there are a LOT more women out there than there are of us. And, YES, they begin to slip on their standards as they age because they are trying to get married. Nevertheless, that doesn’t make you Don Juan at 30+ years of age. Here’s a quick measuring point. If you weren’t a player when the odds were more even for women, don’t think that somehow your overweight, balding, flatulent, rudimentary, and regimented ass is suddenly more attractive now. My mother used to always tell me when I didn’t want to eat what she prepared for dinner, “If you’re hungry, you’ll eat.” Women today are starvingfor a good man. It just so happens that your ass ended up on their plate. Bon appetite!

2) Stop looking for perfection! The perfect woman doesn’t exist! Let me explain that statement. Yourperfect woman does exist. What you have been looking for is a woman who is perfect for EVERY man. Thatwoman does not exist. Hell, even the great Halle Berry has been cheated on, dumped, and abused. What makes you think that some random female you met in the club is suddenly the woman every man wants? And, somehow, that woman chose youfrom all the other men she is perfect for? C’mon Chris! Get your head out of your ass and face the facts. The woman you are looking for has to be perfect for you – not your mom, not your dad, not your boys, not your coworkers. You.The irony in this situation is that, if/when you find that woman who is perfect for you, she’ll be perfect for those people that are important to you as well.

3) You don’t know, or are afraid to admit, what you want.Look. Marriage and committment isn’t for everyone. I don’t know why society makes us feel that way. Like something is wrong with us if we choose not to get married. Now, if you’re afraid of committment, that’s another subject altogether; however, if you’re just too scared to say that you don’t want a relationship, that’s a problem. Please take the time to figure out what you want (or don’t want). That way, you can be honest with any potential mate so she can make an informed decision about whether to date you or not. My question is, are you man enough to be that honest with yourself and any potential date mate?

4) Show some damn restraint! Just because a woman says she wants to get with you with no strings attached, doesn’t mean that you have to get with her. Know this: There are ALWAYS strings! You may not see them because she does a great job of hiding them but, believe me, they are there. Lurking. Waiting for the most inopportune time to tangle you up. Additionally, by showing restraint, you are sending the message that you have integrity, morality, and respect. These qualities can do nothing but help you when you find someone you really like. Plus, you never know who’s watching you. A great girl may come along and choose not to get with you because you are indescriminate with who you sleep with. Everyone wants to feel like the person they are with is wanted by others. You don’t have to go out there and actually prove it. Nah-meen?

5) Stop looking in all the wrong places. The club is the WORST place to find a potential mate. Do yourself a favor? Ask all your married friends how they met their wife? I can almost guarantee that it was someplace other than a club. I have only one example I can point to of a couple meeting in a club and end up getting married. It is because of them that I’m not 100% sure the club relationship doesn’t work out. Now, I’m not saying don’t go to the club. Clubs are fun. And, I’m not saying it’s impossible. What I am saying is that it’s improbable. Treat the club for what it is. A fun gathering place to mingle with like-minded people. You know you’re not there looking for a wife. I’m saying, let’s stop pretending.

Let’s recap: Why Am I Still Single?

1) You’re still a fake-ass player.

2) You’re looking for perfection.

3) You don’t know, or are afraid to admit, what you want.

4) You’re not showing restraint.

5) You’re looking in the wrong places.

I could have said a lot more here. And, if you’ve read my previous posts, I may have violated man code a little. I’m sure I’m gonna be under investigation for this post. Please understand my intent is only for men to have more healthy relationships – whether they end up getting married or not. Relationships should be a choice that both parties make with the most honest (there goes that word again) and complete information going in. Doing that sets the best expectations possible. And, having healthy, realistic expectations about a relationship is the best way to have a positive outcome.

That’s just my three cents…


“Peep my ver-na-cular cuz I don’t know how to act…”